New Year, New Blog

It's 2012! and man are we excited. 2011 was a difficult year full of lots of curve balls, trials, and A LOT of learning. As silly as it sounds I decided to create a new blog for the new year because I just felt like my old blog had a lot of unfinished business and anytime I sat down to start writing, I got overwhelmed by how much I had left out and not blogged about...sounds silly I know, but I was in need of a major change, so here we are.

Though 2011 had it's ups and it's down, we are ready to jump feet first into 2012. There are a lot of things we want to accomplish this year, but most importantly we want to find someway, somehow to start our little family. I have no idea who even reads my blog, but most know that John and I have struggled to have children. When we first started trying, I was able to get pregnant after six month...to me that seemed long, but even a healthy couple can take up to a year to conceive. Last April, at ten weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage, which was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and we are still having to struggle with the aftermath from it all. It has been ten months now and we are still struggling to conceive again. Going to the doctors has become part of our weekly and monthly routine and let me just tell you...it has been wearing on my emotions. I have good days and I most certainly have bad.

We recently transfered from my OBGYN, Dr. Spencer (Who I love dearly) up the Reproductive Care Center to work with an infertility speicalist. Just when you think you might possibly get the answers you have wanted, you find out there are more tests to be done. I never knew there were so many different things that could cause infertility. I am happy to say that after the next month we will be that much closer to hopefully pin-pointing whats wrong...or possibly being told we suffer from something 15% of couples deal with..."unexplained infertility". Our situation is not nearly as bad as stuff that other couples have to go through, but I have decided that Heavenly Father gives us what we can handle and everyone handles trials and hardships differently.

Giving up has been a common feeling I have felt over the last couple of months. Infertility is frustrating and upsetting, and if you aren't careful, it can really pull you down and make you super depressed. I am sure there are those out there that wish every month that goes by, that they could see a positive on a pregnancy test. Every month that doesn't happen, it is like someone has ripped your heart out, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. You feel like climbing in bed, throwing a blanket over your head and staying there the rest of your life. But through many prayers (thank you everyone for all the prayers), blessings, and the knowledge of knowing my Heavenly Father loves and has a plan for me, has helped me through the toughest times thus far. So...here is to 2012, may it be a FABULOUS year :)