News...

Today we went up to RCC for our (hopefully) final test...at least the big expensive ones :) Just when we thought we were cleared from all of our tests and that absolutely nothing was wrong, my Thyroid hormones levels came back all wack again! So...apparently I have a thyroid issue. I suffer from an underactive thyroid, which can be caused after a pregnancy (which I am guessing resulted from my miscarriage). This news was not exactly the most pleasant thing to be told, but at the same time it is something that we can hopefully take care of. My doctor is putting me on thyroid hormones medicine to help me get back to normal levels.

I've honestly never understood what the heck a thyroid is. No one is my family has issues with their thyroid, so this problem came as a HUGE shock to me. When I read stuff online about hyopthyroidism, it's kinda scary...and that my friends is why you should read things online! It makes me want to get off the couch and seriously work out all night long. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I can't tell you the last time I worked out...maybe like four years ago and I can tell in the last seven or eight months I feel extremely unhealthy and I have put on about ten pounds. It's stressful! I do not want to gain weight, which is a side effect. I've never been one to have to watch what I eat, but at this very moment I am wanting to change all of that. I want to make sure I have a healthy body to carry a baby because not only will I suffer from an underactive thyroid, my baby could suffer from it as well. I guess that's why they do these tests. I would much rather have a healthy body and eventually have a healthy baby, then go through having another miscarriage or an unhealthy baby.

We aren't sure if this is going to fix our issue with trying to get pregnant, but it's most certainly worth working on and also better for myself to get it under control. I am determined to lose ten pounds too! I have felt so unhappy about my body lately and I think it is extremely important to have a healthy place for a baby to grow. I'll be getting blood work done every month to see if my levels are going down...and we will be back at RCC next week for a follow-up appointment with Dr. Hadasaka. So glad I survived my saline sonogram today...hurt like h*ll, but I made it through :)

Dr. Visits...

In just one week I will have visited RCC three times...today I went in for our second test, which was just a bunch of blood work. Needles are not fun! I'm not sure anyone would say they are, but over the past six or so months I have pretty much learned to deal with them. They did an ovarian assessment test today (that checks a million different hormones in my body and also my development of eggs) I then had to also get blood drawn to check my thyroid hormones. Apparently my thyroid hormone was a lot higher then it should have been last April when I had my miscarriage, and apparently your thyroid if not at normal levels can cause miscarriages. So they want to make sure my thyroid is at a normal range before moving forward. I am really hoping we don't have problems with that test....fingers crossed!

Thank goodness it's Friday...and RCC, well I'll be seeing you again on Monday :)

I love to spend money on...

Car stuff...NOT! Today while at work one of my co-workers told me my tire was flat...and sure enough when I went to take a look at it, it was flat to the ground. Me being the mechanical type (not) decided to grab a ball pump from inside the school (not a manual one, don't worry) and get my tire pumped up at least enough to drive on it. While doing this I discovered there was a massive nail stuck in my tire. When I got to the tire place A.K.A Discount Tire, they proceeded to tell me that my tires all needed to be replaced...can you imagine the excitement on my face when I found out that I was going to have to spend an upwards of $500 on dumb car tires...I mean don't get me wrong, I know a car needs them to run, but I just replaced these dumb things two years ago! So, after throwing a fit like a little 12 year old about how my old tires have a warranty on them and I was not going to pay full price for four new tires, I walked out of there getting 50% off. Though I am not excited about the fact I have to spend money on "car stuff", I definitely needed new ones (they looked like they were going to fall apart) and I feel much safer now :)

You know what else I absolutely love spending money on??? Medical stuff! (can you sense the sarcasm) So, though my insurance is fabulous and most things are covered, infertility isn't one of them. At Reproductive care center everything is out of pocket for us...blood work, ultrasounds, EVERYTHING! There is one test I have to get done next week and I found out that it is going to cost us $700! FOR ONE TEST! Believe me I would do anything to get a baby here, but this is beyond frustrating! Why...because if we have to end up doing IVF, it's money that could have gone towards that. What's even more frustrating is the fact that I have to do this test to move on with the process, it's not like I can choose to do it or not if I want to move to the next step.

On a good note...one of our test results came back today and everything was normal. Thank goodness!

Blahuary

It's tough to go from a busy November and December full of lots of family time, holidays, and the best time of the year to "Blahuary". We have got snow everyday for the past week...I would be okay if the snow was here on Christmas and then stayed in the mountains after that.

I was supposed to head down to Salt Lake tonight to meet John for his dad's birthday dinner, but after almost sliding off the road because of the slippery and snowy conditions, I decided to spare my life (and my nerves) and head home.

So...what will my night consist of? I am going to cuddle with my dog in my warm comfy bed, drink a cup of hot cocoa, watch the presidential debate, and read a good book. (Yes, politics and reading books is part of the new me!)

Here is a little quote to leave you all tonight...

"I hope we can be happy where we are, be grateful for our blessings now, accept that challenge that is ours and make the most of it, and not be envious of others." ~Ezra Taft Benson

BAM!

Just when I thought things were beginning to get easier and I swear I was finally convinced that things will happen when they are supposed to...BAM, I was hit with a ton of bricks! Yeah...this morning I got up and the minute I got out of bed I realized I should have stayed in it. It was a BAD day. Dealing with infertility has literally thrown my emotions around everywhere.

Good news though...while visiting the Reproductive Care Center today for our appointment, there was this book sitting on the table and it says that feeling all types of emotion during these processes is normal, so that's good I am normal...or so they say. It also said to accept your emotions and LET IT ALL OUT. The more you keep it bottled in, the worse it will be. Sad emotions deserve just as much attention as good emotions. So I guess I am doing what I am supposed too. I realize I am not always positive and people have their opinions, but this is my blog, the place I can release a lot of emotions :)...I am certainly not looking for sympathy, just a place to write about my experiences and of course the other things going on in our life. That book I read at RCC today was really good. So good, I might be dragging John to Barnes and Noble to purchase it tonight. I am usually not a book reader (I know! What's wrong with me?!) but I would be willing to give this one a chance.

Thank you everyone for the sweet comments you have left. It is great to have such wonderful people cheering us on and praying for us.

Waiting...

Every single month there is a wait...a wait to see if by some miracle John and I can get pregnant on our own. It happened once, so I still find myself believing it can happen again....that could be why every month it doesn't happen I am completely devastated. Lets just put it this way...my husband has to deal with a lot on the day I find out I am not pregnant. I am a huge emotional mess, but usually after a couple of hours of crying and asking myself why, I am able to get up and get on with things. I can actually say I have been able to bounce back pretty quickly now days. A couple of months ago that was certainly not the case. I honestly felt like I was sad and upset for days. I would ask myself why, when I am doing all I am supposed to, and trying to start a family is this not working?! I was wasting a good day on being sad and unhappy about the whole situation. And that's when I decided I get one day and that's it.

It's almost sad to me to think that not being able to conceive every month has become the norm.... You would think by now (or at least I would think by now) that I would have given up, but I still hold out hope every month that maybe, just maybe this will be it. So I guess that's good right?! I haven't turned into a complete downer :)

We are getting ready to go in for our first test ( out of three) this Friday and we are hoping for good results. We are keeping our fingers crossed. I have a feeling the Reproductive Care Center is going to become an all too familiar place for us.

Saturday Night

So, John is downstairs doing his homework and I'm sitting upstairs watching Wonder Year's on my Kindle...do you remember that show? I absolutely love it and haven't watched it in years.

Soon John will be done with his homework for the night and we are going to watch The Miss America Pageant... We had a low key, but fun weekend. Today we went to Gateway Mall and walked around, enjoyed some food and a yummy Carmel apple. After the mall we headed over to Steve and Kayla's house to watch some football and hang out. It was a great Saturday and I loved being able to have time to hang out with my husband. Can I just say that I love my husband SO MUCH. As hard as life can get sometimes, I really am so blessed. John is my VERY best friend. It's the little things we do together everyday that make me love him even more.

He is my pick-me-up.

and is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on...

Love you John!

Last Minute Planners...

For those that know John and I, you know we are not "last minute sort of people". We usually like to plan things way in advance and have to know exactly what is going on...well not this time! We saw an awesome deal on Jet Blue's website for airfare to Long Beach (a.k.a- DISNEYLAND) and decided we should jump on it. For $49 each way, how could you pass that up!

John gave me to okay to go ahead with booking the tickets. So last night as I began to book the airfare I kinda started to feel guilty about it...then I started to second guess if we should really go or not. I told John I wasn't going to book them and that we didn't need to go. I went to sleep and can you guess what I dreamed about all night?! Yep...you guessed correctly! DISNEYLAND and a nice little get away for us. So I got up today and decided I was going to book the airfare (again)...for next month! Which is kind of last minute for us Huston's, but I am so excited :) It is my favorite place to go. I decided if I didn't book them right away I would probably make myself feel guilty again and change my mind, so now that they are booked we really don't have a choice, we are going :)

John and I have been under a lot of stress and John has been working his butt off at work and with school, so it's definitely deserved. I wasn't really wanting to go anywhere and making myself feel guilty because of all the tests and appointments we will be going to for infertility. I didn't want to take the chance of missing anything really important, since everything has to be timed just right, but there have been far too many times I have put things on hold, so I guess if by some miracle I am pregnant in the next month, well... we will still be going to Cali :)

New Year, New Blog

It's 2012! and man are we excited. 2011 was a difficult year full of lots of curve balls, trials, and A LOT of learning. As silly as it sounds I decided to create a new blog for the new year because I just felt like my old blog had a lot of unfinished business and anytime I sat down to start writing, I got overwhelmed by how much I had left out and not blogged about...sounds silly I know, but I was in need of a major change, so here we are.

Though 2011 had it's ups and it's down, we are ready to jump feet first into 2012. There are a lot of things we want to accomplish this year, but most importantly we want to find someway, somehow to start our little family. I have no idea who even reads my blog, but most know that John and I have struggled to have children. When we first started trying, I was able to get pregnant after six month...to me that seemed long, but even a healthy couple can take up to a year to conceive. Last April, at ten weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage, which was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and we are still having to struggle with the aftermath from it all. It has been ten months now and we are still struggling to conceive again. Going to the doctors has become part of our weekly and monthly routine and let me just tell you...it has been wearing on my emotions. I have good days and I most certainly have bad.

We recently transfered from my OBGYN, Dr. Spencer (Who I love dearly) up the Reproductive Care Center to work with an infertility speicalist. Just when you think you might possibly get the answers you have wanted, you find out there are more tests to be done. I never knew there were so many different things that could cause infertility. I am happy to say that after the next month we will be that much closer to hopefully pin-pointing whats wrong...or possibly being told we suffer from something 15% of couples deal with..."unexplained infertility". Our situation is not nearly as bad as stuff that other couples have to go through, but I have decided that Heavenly Father gives us what we can handle and everyone handles trials and hardships differently.

Giving up has been a common feeling I have felt over the last couple of months. Infertility is frustrating and upsetting, and if you aren't careful, it can really pull you down and make you super depressed. I am sure there are those out there that wish every month that goes by, that they could see a positive on a pregnancy test. Every month that doesn't happen, it is like someone has ripped your heart out, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. You feel like climbing in bed, throwing a blanket over your head and staying there the rest of your life. But through many prayers (thank you everyone for all the prayers), blessings, and the knowledge of knowing my Heavenly Father loves and has a plan for me, has helped me through the toughest times thus far. So...here is to 2012, may it be a FABULOUS year :)