A Beautiful Heartbreak...

There is a song by Hilary Weeks called "Beautiful Heartbreak". While John and I were experiencing our run around with a miscarriage last year and dealing with infertility issues, I ran into this song on a friends blog. I was dealing with one of the hardest challenges in my life and literally wondered how I was going to make it through this trial. Life was depressing for me. Days were really hard. There were plenty of mornings that getting out of bed would take every ounce of my energy. I have always had a love for life and to be happy, and for about ten months I just wasn't myself. I had been longing to be a mom and I had absolutely no control over that. This concept was really hard for me to except.

I had always had life planned out for John and I. We would get married, have fun just to two of us for a year or so, go on vacations and when we decided to have children, BAM they would just come! Well life doesn't always happen the way you might have planned. God has a different plan for us and even though those trials and hardships are really hard to handle and get through, there will come a day that you will look back on that trial you endured and say...wow I made it through. I had wished many days that Heavenly Father would take away my pain of losing a baby and not being able to conceive for a while, but that's when I realized my trial had become a beautiful heartbreak. Without this trial in my life and marriage I wouldn't have learned all the amazing things about myself and the true meaning of enduring to the end. I would listen to this song "Beautiful Heartbreak" everyday, five times a day while driving in the car or sitting in my home. I would imagine myself singing and listening to this song one day when my trial was over, when I was finally pregnant again.

Tonight, while driving home from a family event, this song came on in the car. I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I listened to the very words of this song that got me through the most challenging times in my life. I listened and remembered I had told myself, one day you will get to listen to this song and life will make a little more sense. As we drove in the car, and Camden kicked my tummy, I realized wow...I DID made it through and life makes PERFECT sense. We may not understand why we have to endure such pain and heartache when we are going through it, but Heavenly Father is always there for us no matter what, you just have to reach out to him. He knows our weaknesses and he finds ways to lift us up. How truly grateful I am being given this chance to be a mom. I NEVER gave up. I fought day in and day out to figure out a way to get this baby here. I spent countless hours at the doctors. I NEVER lost sight of the fact that someday, somehow I would get to be a mom.  I NEVER took no for an answer. All the tears, the sleepless nights, the heartache I felt, it was all worth it for this very moment, where I am at right now.

Life sure is sweet :) You just have to be willing to look at it that way.

I wanted to share the words to the song and also the music video. There are a lot of people out there in this world that are dealing with their own hardships and trials. I hope you will be able to find peace and comfort from this song as I did, and know that one day you will be able to look back and say to yourself...wow I made it through...I endured to the end.

LINK TO SONG

I had it all mapped out in front of me, 
Knew just where I wanted to go; 
But life decided to change my plans, 
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road. 


I knew there was no way over it, 
So I searched for a way around; 
Brokenhearted I started climbin', 
And at the top I found... 


Every fear, every doubt, 
All the pain I went through; 
Was the price that I paid to see this view; 
And now that I'm here I would never trade... 


The grace that I feel, 
And the faith that I find; 
Through the bitter-sweet tears, 
And the sleepless nights; 


I used to pray he'd take it all away, 
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/h/hilary+weeks/beautiful+heartbreak_20987321.html ] 
I never dreamed my heart would make it, 
I thought about turning around; 
But heaven has shown me miracles, 
I never would have seen from the ground. 


Now I take the rain with the sunshine, 
Cause there's one thing that I know; 
He picks up the pieces, 
Along each broken road. 


Every fear, every doubt, 
All the pain I went through; 
Was the price that I paid to see this view; 
And now that I'm here I would never trade... 


The grace that I feel, 
And the faith that I find; 
Through the bitter-sweet tears, 
And the sleepless nights. 


I used to pray he'd take it all away, 
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. 


I would never trade... 


The grace that I feel, 
And the faith that I find; 
Through the bitter-sweet tears, 
And the sleepless nights. 


I used to pray he'd take it all away, 
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.